Immigration Proposal, Pt. 2

Trump Phoenix

Trump Previews Second Part of Immigration Proposal

September 1, 2016

New York, NY (API) — At last night’s rally in Phoenix, Donald Trump fleshed out his proposal for handling the country’s immigration problems. Following President Obama’s strategy of initially focusing on apprehending and deporting serious criminals, Mr. Trump left open the question of what might be done with the 8–9 million others who are leading productive lives in the U.S. 

“Initially, I felt that they should at least pay their back taxes, and I said so emphatically at the rally,” stated Mr. Trump. “However, it later occurred to me that—as was done previously in my international merger proposal—we could turn this into a ‘two-fer’, simultaneously solving a second major problem that’s at the heart of my campaign.

“Manufacturing left the U.S. for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest was that of having goods made and services provided by extraordinarily cheap foreign labor. Rather than paying Americans the minimum wage or being saddled with union rates and rules, we could employ foreign workers at $0.50-$1.85 per hour and work them into the ground, if we felt like it. By retaining the original U.S. prices for the resulting outsourced goods and services, all labor savings went directly to the corporate bottom line.

“So how do we bring manufacturing back to the U.S.? Simple. We just need a similar inexhaustible supply of even cheaper labor. Care to guess where this is going?

“In Pilgrim times, many of the new immigrants were indentured servants; that is, they were required to work off the cost of the voyage to America. We’re going to apply this principal to 'undocumented workers.' For every year they’ve been illegally in the U.S., they’ll be required to repay us with that number of years of inexpensive labor.

“Following the example of Chinese manufacturing, we’ll house our undocumented workers 25 to a room and feed them in community cafeterias. Work will consist of two 6-hour shifts each day with one day off per week. To ensure that we’re successfully undercutting the foreign competition, hourly pay will be set at 50% of the equivalent job‘s pay in China, the Philippines, or India, for example, and overtime pay will be eliminated. I suppose we could eliminate pay altogether (providing only room-and-board), but that would be slavery. But as long as there’s some pay, they aren't slaves; they're ‘underemployed.’

Trump concluded by saying: “I haven’t figured out what will happen after a worker’s employment period has been satisfied. We could deport them, allow them to stay by awarding them with special work visas, or—by billing for their room-and-board—we could extend their work obligation for several more years (or perhaps indefinitely). That worked wonderfully when I applied it to the girls that were ‘imported' to work at Trump Model Management. Amazingly, some of them hung around for years before they figured out that it was in their best interest to just walk, walk, walk away.”

—Steve (DummyDonald.com), September 1, 2016

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